Saturday, May 26, 2012

Still don't get it

Today I heard a comment about myself that made me stop and think.

"You are an expert on all the things that 'could' go wrong in your life and to the people in your life. The day you stop worrying about those things will be a very freeing day."

It's true. That is why it stopped me. I feel like that is the pursuit of my life right now. To stop being concerned about what-if's and fears that may possibly happen maybe in the future...after all it has happened to someone else. I have to fight planning for a tragedy...planning for a tragedy...the sound of that is ridiculous.

This new instability in life has brought out these fears in a new and furious force. I am just not sure what to do with them. I know God, Jesus and His sacrifice, the Word and prayer have the answer wrapped up in them...I just am so distracted by trying to avoid my fears that I cannot even sit down and focus on the Word. I don't want to pray because then I would have to face these fears and actually admit to them...specifically. I don't want to blog because all I can think about is how I should be fighting this lack of faith and I'm not.

So there you have it. I am a little stuck here. Not sure how to live in light of the Gospel and eternity when life won't stop and I am fighting with all my unconscious (and sometimes conscious) energy to disconnect from what is happening in life.

It will be a glorious and praiseworthy day when God opens my eyes and I "get" Matthew 6:25-34...I am not really there yet but I want to be there.

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