More muddled efforts

Still trying to recover from the little sleep and deluge of teaching and preaching and worship this weekend.

In trying to describe what it is that I learned or "took with me" from this conference, the thing that I keep coming back to is the big picture of God that was painted throughout the whole weekend. It was beautiful. To see deeply how He has been working to reveal himself to us in deeper and clearer ways from the beginning of time and then be presented with a picture of the worship and revelation of God from Revelation 21-22 is overwhelming. It is also comforting and encouraging. His goodness and sovereignty are evident and real. He is trustworthy and loving, forgiving and drawing us close through Christ.

More then anything I have come away with a desire to know Him more. The breakout sessions I took were on memorizing Scripture and studying the Word in more depth. The books I bought were about prayer and fighting fear with the Word. I chose these because I want more of Him. I am not sure how else to describe it. I want less of the world and I want more to be part of the continual worship of God on the throne.

I am also a little confused and frustrated. I want these things and long for them for me and for my kids but I am tired and I am quickly falling into old patterns. I am fighting though, not by trying harder but by pleading with the Lord in prayer and choosing little moments throughout the day to do what is harder and take the better option. Engage the children when I would rather send them away. Read the Word while the dinner is cooking, instead of hop on Facebook. Talk with Tommy even when it is difficult to explain what I am thinking. Trusting the Lord to use these choices in this long process of sanctification and knowing that I can trust Him. He has called me and He will keep me. This vision of a great and faithful God who has been working to complete His ultimate plan throughout history has solidified in me:  ^"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6