Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Losing the fight

Yesterday was a victory in Jesus and in many ways today was too.

Nowhere to be and no one calling this morning. I woke to a quiet house at a decent hour. Opening the curtain an inch to let in the sunlight I enjoyed reading the Word for a good half hour. Slowly, digesting God's heart to His people through Paul. It was sweet and peaceful.

The kids started stirring and I got up thankful there was no headache...and motivated to accomplish a lot! Motivated to make up for yesterday!

I hit breakfast with gusto and started snapping and yelling at the kids immediately. My jeans were wet because one of them didn't make sure the clothes were dry before they brought them upstairs from the dryer. They all wanted second helpings before I could even eat my first bite. Slow. Playing. Distracted. They did not get the memo that today was a work day...a make up day...they didn't get my agenda.

The victory is the immediate repentance that came. As quickly as the words were out Grace enabled me to repent. Verbally. Genuinely. Continually. Until I gave up on my agenda and accepted the Lord's agenda. I fought my flesh and desires for almost two hours, repenting every 10 minutes or so until He won my heart again. The struggle is painful but the peace when He wins is beautiful.

We spent the majority of our day at the park with other mommies and kids from church, enjoying creation and fellowship and relationships. That may not sound like much of a victory to you but it is. I would rather hide in my house, protecting myself from the potential hurt that comes with getting to know people on a deeper level. I like to keep it safe. This too was a fight my flesh was having all morning...to go or not to go. So, this was a victory on two levels.

He continues to prove His goodness to me.

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