Day 25

More Judges today. I read chapters 20 and 21 and I listened to a sermon on chapters 19-21. Conversations with Tommy and the sermon have pointed out some very interesting connections and fueled some more study. I will attempt to sort out my thoughts as I go here and I hope they make sense. Perhaps by the end I will have come to some conclusion but perhaps not.

Depravity and justice. These are two themes that are very present in Judges 19-21. It also points to another very similar situation in Genesis (chapter 19 of all places) where the men of Sodom and Gomorrah come after the angels who are staying with Lot. This is an example of a city that was so evil God literally wiped it off the face of the earth. Depravity not only in the men of Sodom but also in Lot. He offered his virgin daughters to these men. They were spared by the grace of God but still were offered. Here is where this hits home for me both in Judges and in Genesis: I am depraved also. There is no one who is righteous. The concubine is easily seen as a victim and we all feel sorry for her, however she had left her husband to be a harlot in her fathers home. This is not a righteous woman. I am not upholding the sin of these men or of her Levite husband but the fact remains that her sins against God earn her His eternal wrath. Who am I to despise God's right justice? This has been for me a reorienting to God's way of seeing man, He sees man as totally depraved...there is no good in them and even more difficult His right and ability to execute justice on them however and whenever He sees fit. WOW! That is a hard pill for me to swallow.


I squirm in my seat even as I write this.

How to get to Grace from here. Please try and follow with me. This is the part where analogia fidei comes into play. This is that since the Bible has one author, God, then Scripture should be read in light of other Scripture, not in a isolation. Judges is not meant to be taken alone, without the rest of the Word otherwise we would be left without hope, without grace. In the grand scheme of God's plan these remind us of the need for redemption but in a more specific correlation take notice of those who lived in Gibeah. The men who wanted to rape the Levite and ultimately rapped and abused his concubine were from the tribe of Benjamin. In the next few chapters these Benjaminites were almost completely wiped out because there women and children were killed. Only 600 men remained (wait, there is grace right there) and they found wives by kidnapping women from nearby towns. Still need more grace? 10 tribes of Israel are later virtually obliterated but 2 are sent into exile in Babylon: Judah and Benjamin. Decades later they return and after time we have the birth of Jesus and Grace is given to the world. As if that is not enough grace there came a man who was chosen to be God's herald of grace versus works. He was transformed by the AMAZING power of Christ's sacrifice and empowered by the Holy Spirit to write much of the New Testament, explaining and exulting over GRACE. That's right, Paul and guess what he says in Philippians 3:3-5 "...put no confidence in the flesh— though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee;"  INCREDIBLE! That is not an accident or a coincidence, there is no such thing!

Conclusion? My view is so small, myopic and limited and God's view is infinite, with His glory and grace always in play. He is purposeful and deep and wise in all He does. It is also so critical to read Scripture as a part of the whole and the whole is the BIBLE not just the specific book. I need to also remember that when one characteristic of God seems to overwhelm a situation it does not preclude His other characteristics (ie when judgment is overwhelming it does not take away from His goodness) Whew! That was intense.

Day 24

I am still working through this Judges stuff. I love it but it is hard. There are times when I think, "why am I working through this? Why does this matter? No one is going to know or care if you just keep going and don't search out your answers." These thoughts then lead to lies about how unimportant I am, or how unimportant Scripture, like this is to me and my life. Or thoughts like, it is not applicable therefore I don't need to figure it out. Or the idea that I am an uneducated stay-at-home mom and can get by without knowing any deep truths from Judges 19. These are tactics of the Enemy that I need to fight. "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17 The question again is, do I believe what God has said? Do I believe ALL SCRIPTURE is God breathed? YES! What about profitable for teaching, reproof, correction and training in righteousness? ...yes. I guess I need to keep pursuing the answers to my questions in Judges.

Don't worry, God is answering. I have had some great conversation today, helping to process through what this passage says about God and man. I also found a sermon series from a group that I trust, through the book of Judges. I am excited to dig deeper. I'll keep you informed.

Day 23

I think I am going to have to pause in my reading. Of course by pause I mean, read the same passage again and do a little digging because I am plagued with questions. Why Judges 19? Where is the Gospel here? Quick answers are not satisfying. I need to meditate, pray and search. If you have any good resources please feel free to point me in a good direction.

Day 22

Growing up we always had big Thanksgiving day feasts. When I say big, I mean big. 25 people was a small group for Thanksgiving. So when this year we found ourselves celebrating just the 7 of us, I found it a little sad. I loved cooking...I LOVE cooking...and enjoyed the shopping and chopping and two days of mixing and baking that led up to today. I loved the low stress of playing games with the kids, not having to wait on anyone when the turkey was early and being able to take a nap in the afternoon. It was a lovely day and I have been very thankful.

It did get me thinking though. Why was it so hard up to now, thinking of being "just us"? Tommy nailed it for me. It is the same reason why good-byes are so difficult. It is the same reason why nature is beautiful and unsatisfying all at the same time. There is another world that I long for. I yearn for home, my true and real home. The one that has a place, special, for me, being prepared right now. There is a feast that will be full of thanksgiving and food and family that I desire in the deepest part of me to enjoy. I long for Heaven and to be with Christ and I want it so badly that I try to create it here on earth and Jesus is so good and kind that sometimes He gives us pieces of it, types of it, shadows of reality and they are so good that I lose sight of the truth that what I seek is the Giver of these sweet gifts. The One who purchased me with His blood.

Day 21

I have a lot to say but am still not sure how to say it. No, what it is, is that God is working. I can feel the stirrings of something big. There are questions that keep coming up in my head and heart about myself that I don't want to ask God because I am not sure that I want to know the answer. That is why my posts are so brief.

I am thankful though and these questions that are creeping into my thoughts give me the opportunity to practice what I teach my children: Be thankful for what you do have, what God has given you and be faithful to Him. Do not focus on what you don't have.

I am thankful for my family. We are a crowd and I am blessed to spend tomorrow praising God and mediating with them on all the ways He has blessed us!

Day 20

It is amazing to me how much the Old Testament is full of grace. Abraham...a nobody from nowhere, called out by God, why? Because God called him. Jacob, a deceiver. Moses, a murderer. Israel in general as a people who could not go longer then one generation without rebelling against God. I am reading about Samson right now and I have to be honest, it is hard to see why God picked him. I guess that is where my problem comes from. I am focusing on Samson and not on God and not seeing that it is because of the New Testament...because of Christ that God can show such grace. AND He continues to do so, toward so many, but so abundantly, to me.

I am so grateful for grace. When I am sick. When I am healthy. When I feel it. When I don't. When I am sad. When I am joyful. When I am thankful. When I am sinful. God is good to me and you.

Day 19

I am sick today. I did manage to squeeze some time in to read about Samson and God's plan for him from before he was born. Fascinating. I plan to ponder it more as I attempt to sleep off this cold. Praising God for His grace to see and fight the sin that wants to overtake me since I feel so awful.

A HUGE thank you to my sweet, wonderful, serving husband. He did the dishes and took the kids to the Y so I could have above quiet time. Cleaned up dinner and has given lots of hugs and encouragement. I am blessed.