Today Tommy left for mission camp with the youth group. I made plans for this week and so was actually a little excited for this time to come. I guess I was a little too excited and my plans became more important then anything else and so my mind was a little messed up.
The gang pulled out at about 7:45. The kids and I (one extra kid too) all went home after saying good-bye and ate our breakfast. By 8:30 we had all piled in the car ready to start our errands.
I started the car and pulled up to the street...I forgot something...ran back inside and grabbed it.
Drove to the bank...it doesn't open until 9:00...ten minutes to wait.
I forgot something else...drove home and grabbed it...now it is late enough to drop Christian off at a friends for some school and fun.
Back to the bank: kids throwing stuffed animals, fighting over chairs and playing tag at 9:30 in the bank lobby on a Monday morning...not my idea of proper behavior and unfortunately an indication of the rest of the day.
By 1:30 we made it back home and I put the girls down for a nap and fell into a chair at the kitchen table to eat leftovers and rest. I still had two errands to run after all.
By 2:30 unexpected guests arrived. By 3:30 Christian was home and the continued tension with 6 kids was building even more. Expected guest arrives and I am sad and excited. This was who I was waiting for, to have a great time with and I am still two errands behind, haven't even begun to clean the house (an essential for relaxing enjoyment of girl-time) and the children are arguing with each other and myself to the point that I can't think straight.
I continue to indulge myself with watching youtube videos and sharing favorite songs with my friend while the kids jump out their energy on the trampoline. Still I push away the thoughts that perhaps I am being a little selfish here and should interact with and work with my children.
Somehow dinner gets made and we all sit down at 6:30. The phone rings. The children have a temporary lapse of memory as to dinner expectations due to 6th child and messes, arguments and tears ensue.
A moment of calm between 7 and 8 when I decide that I can focus on the children since they will be going to bed soon and then I will be free. My dear friend cleans the kitchen.
Eight o'clock finally arrives, the little ones are in bed and my friend and I start a movie. Christian wants to watch. I say no. I want to be free of them. He is hurt...I don't blame him (I really don't want to be with him and he knows it) and try to soothe his pain and my conscience, then send him to bed.
We watch our movie. We talk.
I review my day and analyze why it was so difficult. Then I realize that I have been so focused on my agenda and what I want that I never stopped to consider God's agenda or really Him at all. When the Holy Spirit tried to poke and prod at my conscience I ignored it, distracting myself and rationalizing my actions. It was a sad day and we all could feel that something was wrong.
Praise God for grace and mercies that are new in the morning.
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