And We're Back...

I have been putting this post off for a while. I took a break a few weeks back with every intention of getting right back into things but sin has a sneaky way of making it's desires known and God has an amazing way of using that for His glory.

I took this break because of what God was doing in me through this blog. He was dealing with deep, deep, painful and scary idols in my heart that I did not want to give up. It was exhausting. It was hard. It hurt. I wanted out. My Dear Husband was noticing this strain and suggested that I take a break from blogging. I agreed. The weeks that followed were nothing short of amazing...and not in a good way.

I continued to be faithful to reading the Word, mostly but I stopped processing it. I stopped seeking His Kingdom through His Word. I stopped internalizing and really learning and knowing God through His Word. It became an act of righteousness to check off my daily list. Then I became ill, very ill (not deathly) but enough that for 6+ weeks I was out of comission. My poor family just survived and so did I. It was convicting that I didn't want to read the Word and fought harder for the energy to make dinner or do laundry then for the energy to even open the Bible.

As I got better friends started to ask me what about the blog. I had to admit that there was no good reason why I hadn't started again. It was easier to listen to all of life's struggles and my selfish desires then to go back to allowing God the freedom to work in me as He was before.

I don't want to run anymore, that's why I started this to begin with. It's not that I am something special so I think the world needs to know what God is doing in me but I have proven that unless I have some outside motivation to help me, I will give into the tyranny of the urgent. No more! No more breaks and no end in sight...until Glory!

Hebrews 12:1-3 (ESV)

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ² looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  ³  Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.