Again? Really?

One of the reasons I have been reluctant to start writing again is because in my heart this is a willing invitation to the Lord to do what He needs to do in me. I know that He will anyway, but this is my way of saying yes to that work. I have been anticipating what He will bring up and am a little surprised that it is forgiveness, again. I know all the right answers and reasons for why I should forgive. The Lord has forgiven me of a debt far greater then any debt against me. Evidently I have to do this again though. The bright side is that the wounding pain of it is not as deep. The sad, mourning is not there as strong and I think that is a testimony to God's healing in my life. The obsessive mental rehearsal of offenses is back though and I don't really want to fight it. It is easier and feels good, in a way, to hold on to that anger. To hold it close as if it were precious. I know that is wrong and I know it grieves God so I am sad. Praying that He will enable me to WANT to forgive and let go of the anger and then that He enables me TO forgive, as He has forgiven me...I know He will.