All at Once

I am avoiding my blog tonight. There is too much going on in my mind. That is not acceptable though, so here I go.

We were reading a book in the youth group on Sunday mornings called, The Unquenchable Flame: Discovering the Heart of the Reformation by Michael Reeves. In one of the final chapters a Puritan recounted an experience he had while relieving himself. While he was out a dog came by and began to relieve himself as well and this puritan (I'm sorry, I can't remember who it was) was struck at how much he was like an animal at that moment and committed to think spiritual thoughts in the future while relieving himself as a way of redeeming the act. One of the girls protested at the ridiculousness and severity of his response and yet as I have meditated on it over the last few weeks I find myself in a battle similar to the puritan. How do I make every part of my life about Jesus Christ and His glory?

I say a battle because if I am honest sometimes I do not even want Christ to have anything to do with a certain part of my life. I would like to compete in a triathlon. It is on my bucket list. My husband has said that this summer is not the right time and I should wait. My brother contacted me and asked me to start training with him so we can do one next summer. I started "training" and we have been corresponding about how to accomplish this without taking away from our families. We exchanged some websites and articles and then he said, we can do this and I have been praying about it. That is when I realized I hadn't. In all reality, I didn't want God or Tommy to have anything to do with it. I want it too bad to let God in and allow Him to take it away. Wrong thinking in so many different ways. As if me not praying about something would keep God out of that part of my life. HA! Still working on prying my fingers off this idol.

Or what about the struggle with practical details of raising kids. A son, that I would like to grow into a responsible MAN. I know that the best way to encourage him in that honorable direction is to respect and honor his father but what about when he is fighting me with every part of his being? He sticks out his chin and crosses his arm as I stand there feeling like I am looking in a mirror and wondering how do I train him in this situation?

Then there is the issue of very old issues that have come up. Pains I thought were gone. So long ago that I didn't even see the connections until someone else pointed them out. Now I have to hurt again and chose to forgive again, because Christ forgave me. It's painful but it's clear.

This all seems to hit at the same time. I'm tired. I'm glad that He is stretching me and holding me and bringing me along. Lord, carry me through. Grant me perseverance and faithfulness.