If you know me, then you know that I love to cook and I love to share. The problem has always been that my perfectionism (TRUTH: rebellion of God as sovereign) would get in the way and I would become a monster in preparation for guests that were arriving. It has been so bad that Tommy has stopped inviting people and asked me to stop inviting people too. It just isn't worth it. This was crushing. Not only did I have to give up a service that I loved and thought very necessary to all believers and wives in particular I was no longer being an example of hospitality and fellowship to my children. I wanted to teach them but my own sin was preventing this from happening. I felt sad and ashamed.
I don't know if it is because of what God is doing in my life or if it has nothing to do with anything (impossible) but Tommy invited a family to come to dinner tonight. I was reservedly excited. I asked Tommy what I should make and molded, filled, crepes came up. Sure, I thought, I love to cook french food! The Lord has blessed this week with opportunities to not stress, be restful (because of illnesses) and trust in His plan for our days and week. Friday morning came and I began preparing dinner at 9 am. Worked on a little school with the kids while I made crepes and tried to tell myself I wasn't feeling as sick as I was. By 1:30 all my dishes were dirty and the dinner was ready except for the final heating. Nap from 1:30 to 2:30. Now it was time for dessert to be made and the kitchen, living room, dining room to be cleaned up. If you have small children then you know that cleaning before this time would be pointless. I could feel the stress starting to build. Tommy had to leave to pick up Christian, Tobie (a very capable helper) went with him. The babies were sleeping and I was left with Daniel...who was crying and I was feeling worse then before. Yes, the stress was building.
I gave Daniel a simple task that he has done many times before. He couldn't do it. More tears. I encouraged him, reassured him he could do it and sent him back to persevere. More tears, he just couldn't do it. Empty threats through gritted teeth and an attempt at disingenuous encouragement. Then I sent him back again. More tears. More stress. Here is where the Lord stepped in though. Pray Helen. He reminded me to pray and not just pray in my head, in the quiet of my heart but with Daniel.
We stopped what we were doing, both of us stopped. We talked about who was coming over and how excited we were. I explained that we love these people and want them to be welcomed and serve them well for God's glory and not because we want them to be impressed. We want to work hard out of humility, putting our guests first. Then we prayed, holding hands, asking God to keep us humble and to give us strength to persevere in the hard work. It worked in my heart, changed my attitude but it took a little more "correcting" for Daniel but he did persevere and complete his task...and a few others.
Our guests never did come over. I kept getting worse and symptoms showed up in two other family members...just the stage of life we are in, it will be over soon I'm told. It was a good day though. God used it for His glory again and His purposes. I am encouraged!
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