Identity

Very introspective today. The week was difficult so my guard is down a bit. God sustained me through a major illness this week...no one was spared...but it stills wears on you. I had a huge incident with one of the kids before church on Mother's Day that made me question what I was doing and how I was doing it for fear of pushing this child to hardheartedness. Then to send me totally over the edge tonight in our Financial Peace class the topic was personality types and reaching your full potential, Marcus Buckingham style.

To be completely honest I am very upset.

I am a sinner. My life, my days, my moments are tainted with sin. I am blind so even when I read the Bible it is difficult for me to grasp, love, understand, obey...stay awake. I fight the Holy Spirit as He tries to transform these dry bones. I naturally make everything about myself and I do not need any encouragement to think more about me, what I want, what I am good at and how I can position myself to find the most fulfillment in what I am doing.

There has been a lot over the past few days, externally and internally, that have fed that nasty flesh of mine. I am fretting over what my gifts are. After all I am reading through 1 & 2 Corinthians and the gifts of God are very much on my mind. I am fretting over my parenting because if I raise my kids right, teaching them doctrine and the Word and giving them the right balance of protection and exposure to the world, continually offering the Gospel and being an example of repentance and grace then God will save them and so far I am concerned a little about God's part in all this. Dave Ramsey and Marcus Buckingham have me a little worried too because what I am doing is not very satisfying. It is exhausting and hard, a constant battle and full of much suffering, not to mention it doesn't make any money. What am I doing wrong????

I. Me. Self. That's what is wrong.

My identity and fulfillment have nothing to do with what I am doing or how well I am doing it or how much I enjoy it. My identity and fulfillment come from and are wrapped up in ONLY ONE THING - He is Jesus Christ. He is the only source of satisfaction and the only identity I need. The lies of this world try to tell me it is all about me and that I need to do and try and be and work hard for what I want and what I deserve. I deserve wrath so I cling to this: Colossians 2 (emphasis added)

For in him (Christ) the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, ¹⁰ and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority. ¹¹ In him also you were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, ¹²  having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead. ¹³  And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, ¹⁴ by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. ¹⁵  He disarmed the rulers and authorities^[b] and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.

 It is all His work. All His grace. All His righteousness. All His sustaining power. All His works. I am encompassed and defined in Him.