Day 81

Yes, I know it has been a while since I posted. I am not slack on my personal worship but I am a bit tired. It is exhausting to constantly be examining what God is doing in my life and then sharing it with all of you. I want to be an encouragement but I am just plain tired. I read this quote today on Facebook from John Piper: Bacon born 1561.Reading makes a full man; conference a ready man; writing an exact man. Essays free: http://dsr.gd/yxhiko.  I want to glorify God better by being more specific, purposeful, and clear but I am getting lost in the details and checklists of my mind and heart. I need to also enjoy and experience God's work and my family. Therefore I will take a break (no more then a week) to pray and renew my cup so I can overflow on y'all.

Day 77

There is so much to learn and then to re-learn. I continue to make the same mistakes and sins and then have to learn again, God's Truth. Today was a day of little victories: enjoying the children, not sweating the small stuff, time for everything in it's "right" order and yet as I sat down tonight I remembered that this was the same feelings and thoughts that I had when I started this journey a few months ago. How do I forget so quickly? How does my heart deceive me so completely? I am so grateful for God's patience and His grace! Tonight in youth group we talked about Samuel and one of the girls asked why God didn't make Samuel hear His voice the first three times He called. I know there is a deeper reason that only God knows but I am sure that one reason is so that I will continue to trust Him and know that He is patient. I sure don't hear God as often as He speaks to me. Humbled by my sin and so grateful for Jesus Christ's righteousness!

Day 76

In an effort to continue to battle my sin I listened to a great sermon on the Word of God, working in me. So encouraging and convicting! I guess I should say that since I ended up in a heap of tears on the couch exhausted by my efforts to be perfect to gain a pain free life, it was more on the convicting side. (Thank you Lord, for a kind and patient husband to not laugh at the ridiculousness of my sin but to graciously encourage me back to the Gospel and Truth)

It is good that I am in the Word every day but I need to also commit His word into my heart so that it is there for me to draw on when I am faced with the battle. As we all know that doesn't normally happen when I am sitting down, quietly studying the Word. So here is the plan that Bethlehem Baptist Church uses and one that I am seriously looking into. I would like to do this because these are verses that help to battle specific sins with specific promises. As Piper says in his sermon a "specific, tailor made, BLOOD BOUGHT promise." I need those more readily at my disposal.

Day 75

Well, it happened. I missed a day for the first time. Granted I was so sick that Sunday morning I pulled myself out of bed late, sent my kids up to church, took a shower, got dressed, put on make up and sent Anna to bed, took off all my jewelry and my shoes and went right back to bed. I slept until about 3 in the afternoon when I got up and made did a little work around the house. I certainly had time to read the Bible but somehow kept thinking that I would do it when I went back to bed. Going back to bed was accompanied by a severe sinus headache, medication and pleading for sleep. I was very disappointed when I woke today and realized what had happened. Now I am off to read Matthew 18 and 19 for the day and try to get back to bed.

*On a confession note-do not think highly of me because I have thrown a huge tantrum in my heart tonight. Tommy is working on school and so I had agreed to let him study. Of course it was 7:50 and I still needed to put the kids to bed, do the dishes, change a load two loads of laundry, read the Bible, sign up the kids for some online programs, crochet some orders and episode 2 of Downton Abbey is up now. Clearly this was a ridiculous and selfish outburst in my heart as there is a very obvious order of priorities versus desires in that list of "have to's".

Now, I am off to the study of God's Word!

Day 73

Sick. Haven't read anything yet. Taking my Bible to bed. Praying for healing over night.

Day 72

Yesterday was a very difficult day. I am thinking and praying about how to share with you what God is doing. It is good but it is hard...as usual. I am also happily distracted by the great date night I just had with Tommy. We will have been married 10 years on February 2 and tonight we started celebrating early by getting our wedding rings tattooed on.  They are a crown of thorns because our lives are all about Christ and our marriage is a picture of the Gospel...both in forgiveness and grace.

Day 70

Reminded about how little I value God especially in respect to how valuable He is. Reminded that there is enough time in the day...because "I don't feel like it" is not an acceptable reason to not serve God or my family. Also reminded that there are times when I should not make a decision...I just need to wait a day or two. Will keep praying and seeking first His Kingdom...